An Analog Vacation

*Disclaimer (a):  I'm fully aware of the irony of the journal entry that follows.

*Disclaimer (b):  I'm fully aware you may not finish reading it because anything over 140 characters we tend to abort.

- May 2018 -

I have been growing increasingly bitter towards the state of our culture with social media, instant gratification, our obsession with self and comparison to others, and a constant need to find our moment to shout above the noise (see disclaimer above).  Maybe it's increased awareness. Maybe it's increased cynicism.  Maybe I'm just getting older.  Whatever it is, the reason behind it doesn't matter.  The point is I have been a willing participant in it and encourager of it for several years.  And, to be honest, still am to some extent (let's face it, almost 100% of my business comes through social media).  However, I am realizing more and more the value of simplicity, the value of not trying to claw to the front of the line, the value of just being.  That's what this entry is about.  I encourage you to stick with me here.

This month marked my daughter's third birthday.  I'll spare the long story about the miracle she is for another time.  Three years goes by much faster than you think.  We had a birthday party for her at our house and we decided that each year instead of giving her a bunch of junk for her birthday, we would give her an experience.  We bought her one present - a Fujifilm Instax camera.  She's recently discovered a love for taking photos and we wanted her to have her own camera.  But more than that, we wanted her to be able to take her own photos of her actual birthday present - a trip to San Antonio.  I write this, by no means, to brag about our parental excellence or boast of our daughter's "present" being a vacation instead of a doll house.  This turned out to possibly be more of a present for her Momma and me than it was for her.  Although that's not what we initially expected.

We left for San Antonio on a Wednesday morning with a fairly solid, fairly loose schedule of things we wanted to accomplish on this trip.  My wife and I had been talking about vacations we took as children and how excited we would always get and how much they meant to us.  We talked about how, back then, you could really GO on vacation.  You were unavailable while you were gone.  You weren't available to work remote, and you could actually unplug.  You didn't give a real time play-by-play of every minute of your vacation to the entire world.  You went on vacation.  No one heard from you until you got back.  When they asked how your trip was, you told them all about it.  You took photos with disposable film cameras, and waited to see your photos of the trip a week or two after you got back.  Then you got to relive your trip all over again.  "That was so much fun!"  "I forgot I even took that picture."  "That one is out of focus, but look how much fun you were having."  Cheryl and I decided to have what we called a "90s Vacation."  No social media.  No posting constant updates of our trip telling the world (who, let's be honest, doesn't care) about every little thing we did and every piece of food we ate - which was way too much.  I didn't take a single digital photo while we were there.  If you know me very well, you know I almost always have my Fuji x100t with me and I'm constantly taking photos.  I knew, however, that if I took that camera I would be tempted to take a few photos, scroll back through them, transfer the best one to my phone right then, edit it in Lightroom or VSCO, post it with 30 hashtags (because that's Instagram's limit), and then wait for the dopamine hits that accompany the "like" notifications I would receive from total strangers.

I didn't do that on this trip.  I left that camera at home, grabbed my Canonet and five rolls of film, and headed out.  I had taken some film photos during the birthday party at our house the weekend before and I wanted to document the entire birthday celebration on film, wait until a week after returning to get them back from being developed by The Darkroom in San Clemente, CA, and then see what I had gotten.  

I told you it was a 90s vacation.  

But shooting the vacation on film was not the purpose of shooting the vacation on film.  The purpose was much bigger for me.  It meant more time with my family - actually paying attention to my family.  Not just being in the same room or general area.  Cheryl and I rarely had our phones out for any reason at all.  When we were at the zoo or Sea World, we left our phones in the backpack and just experienced everything around us.  We didn't experience the vacation through the view of our phones or the back screen of a digital camera, taking a picture of every little thing.  You'd be amazed at how much you see when you're not staring at your phone.  We laughed with Henley, we laughed with each other, we watched Henley's face light up when the whales would jump out of the water, and watched and listened to her laugh uncontrollably when the whales splashed gallons of water on the audience.  Those images and sounds are permanently fixed in my mind and I would've missed them if I would've had my phone or x100t out filming the show, or trying to get the perfect shot of the whales (which most of the people around us were doing, and completely missing their child's priceless reactions).  Don't get me wrong, I took a few photos with my film camera, as you can see.  But there was beauty in just raising the camera, taking the shot, and putting it away - not knowing what I had gotten and not obsessing over trying to get a better one.  My focus was just to be.  Be at the show.  Be with my family.  Be present.

Henley and Cheryl felt that.  And it made all the difference.

One of the most defining moments for me was after we left Sea World, we came back to the hotel to get ready for dinner.  Henley wanted to go swimming again at the hotel pool, but we needed to get showers and get ready.  So I took Henley to the pool to give Cheryl a chance to get ready with no delays or distractions, and to give Henley and me a chance to go hang out.  I left my phone and camera in the hotel room and took absolutely nothing with me.  Just Henley.  We spent an hour or so swimming, and laughing, and jumping, and swimming, and laughing.  Henley would get on the side of the pool, jump in for me to catch her, and then help her swim across to the other side of the pool while yelling "Kick, kick! Swim, swim!"  Both of us cracking up at each other over and over.  Each time we would reach the other side of the pool, I would sling her out of the water and stand her on the side of the pool.  In between laughs and right before jumping back in to me she would yell, "You saved me, Daddy!"

Yes.  Yes I did.

Cheryl and I spent the entire drive home trying to figure out why our trip was so rewarding for us.  Why did we feel so much better on that vacation.  It wasn't because we were "on vacation."  It wasn't like we were just relaxing on the beach for a week and life was good.  That would be easy to figure out.  The difference was that for the first time in a very long time, the three of us focused on each other and just being together as a family.  Making it a priority to not be distracted from one another by things that can wait and/or ultimately do not matter at all.

If you've made it this far, congrats and thanks for hanging in there.  Believe me when I say this journal entry is not at all intended to tell you that you do vacation wrong.  It's not at all intended to say social media in and of itself is bad and you need to stay off of it.  Odds are you found this journal via social media (again, see disclaimer above).  It's not at all intended to tell you to look at me and how much better I am at family that anyone else.  It's the opposite.  It is a confession of how much better life with loved ones is when you and I make it a priority to be 100 percent present with them.  To me personally, I like validation in the art I make.  I like Instagram likes.  I like Facebook shares.  I like Twitter retweets.  Snapchat is stupid.  I like people thinking I take good photos or make good films.  Often I like those things more than I like my wife thinking I'm a loving husband, and more than I like my daughter thinking I'm a good Daddy.  I knew that if I social media-ed my vacation for the sake of "art" and validation from strangers, I would ultimately be missing out on time with my family.

I was right.

I make no excuses and do not deny that I post photos and films on social media in hopes that someone will like them enough to hire me to create something for them.  Let me just be honest about that.  So if you like something I've done and wouldn't mind me shooting you (with a camera, of course), then I'd love to hear from you.  If not, I'll keep making work that I am proud of, and some I'm not as proud of.  But I'll keep pushing myself to be much better at the things that really matter.

I encourage you to do the same.

In the meantime, feel free to enjoy the photos from our family vacation.

** For any gear nerds, all of these were shot with a Canonet QL17 GIII on Lomography 100, Kodak ColorPlus 200, and Kodak ColorPlus 200 pushed to 800.

 

 

First Roll of Black & White Film

I've been loving film photography more and more lately.  And the more I shoot on film, the more turned off by digital photography I become.  I'm not just romanticizing something "old" or "hip" or "different."  No, if you've ever shot consistently on an old film camera, you would probably understand what I mean.  

Shooting on film is tough.  It's thorough.  It's intentional.  That's what I love about it.  It's a process.  It forces you to slow down a little.  Slow down a lot.  Shooting digital is much more forgiving:  take the shot, look at the back of the camera to see if you like it, take the same shot 27 more times just in case.  Film is not like that.  It's not perfect, but it's honest.  A long time passes between taking the shot and seeing what you got.  The anticipation is most of the fun.

We don't have to wait for anything anymore.  We get anything we want right when we want it.  Now.  Not with film photography.  You wait.  And wait.  But it's always worth it.  

These photos were shot on my great-grandpa, PawPaw's, old Pentax K1000 using Kodak Tri-X400 black and white film.  There's a strong sense of nostalgia on this film alone, not to even mention the camera on which it was shot.

See more from this roll of film by clicking the button below:

First Roll of Film

Shooting film is something that I've recently become more and more interested in the further into photography I get.  It's a combination of a desire to learn something that I didn't already know, to grow creatively, and an appreciation for the simpler, but more complicated aspects that shooting analog film involves.

The main ideas of shooting digital and shooting analog remain the same, however when shooting digital, some of the work is done for you with the luxuries of auto-focus, exposure metering, white balance, etc.  There's nothing wrong with any of these and they are much welcomed advances in camera-making, but sometimes it's nice to strip them away and shoot with a fully mechanical and manual camera.  (Just a quick disclaimer:  I do shoot fully manual with digital cameras as well.  But it doesn't remove some modern advantages of the digital camera.  If you shoot with a digital camera and shoot on Auto...STOP!  Learn to shoot in manual mode.  Learn about ISO settings, f-stops, shutter speeds, white balance, picture profiles, etc.  You'll be so much better off.)

Onto the story behind these particular photos that comprise my first roll of analog film.  I became interested in wanting to shoot film late last year.  I began looking at cameras on Ebay and planned to find a fairly cheap Canon AE-1 or something similar and just see what happened.  One day I remembered that when I was a kid I would sit in the floor at Mama and Pawpaw's house playing with and old silver and black camera of Pawpaw's.  (If you've never heard me talk about Pawpaw, my great-grandpa, then I'll spare you the details.  The main idea is he was my hero as a kid.  Ironically, many in my family talk about how much I remind them of him.)

I called Memom one day, who is my grandma and Mama and Pawpaw's daughter, to ask her if she remembered that camera and if she happened to still have it somewhere.  She thought she vaguely remembered it, but she didn't have it.  She told me if someone still had it then it would probably be my aunt.  I quickly gave my aunt a call and asked if she knew where it might be.  She said, "Yep.  I'm looking at it on my shelf right now.  It says it's a Pentax K1000."  Needless to say, I got quite excited on my end of the line.  I asked her if I could borrow it and she said of course,  as long as I gave it back to her if I was ever finished with it.  (Don't hold your breath.)

After getting the camera from my aunt, and buying a new battery for the exposure needle inside the viewfinder to replace the one that had been in there since probably the late 70s, I ordered a box of Kodak Portra 160 and set out with one goal:  Just take pictures.  I wanted to get as comfortable as I could with the camera and the differences of shooting film rather than digital.  I love the organic look of film.  There's something more real about it.  (Which is why I convert my digital images to film stocks as well.  It's a very specific look and I understand it's not for everyone.  It's just my personal preference.)

Shooting film can be a lot like playing jazz music.  You have to know all the rules, and then you're free to break them.  The color temperature of analog film is generally white balanced for daylight.  Which means if you want to shoot under a different kind of light, like the photo above of the book and VW van, your colors won't be perfect.  And that's the beauty of it.  Shooting at a low film speed, like with Portra 160 (160 being the speed of the film), means you need plenty of light available if you want your photos to be properly exposed.  Which, on the other hand, means if you push it in low light you can also get a really great organic look.  What also accompanies film shooting is the stress of not being able to look at the back of the camera to see if you nailed the shot.  You have to wait weeks (or in this case, months) to find out.

I love the color tones of this film stock.  Portra 160 a pretty common film among avid film shooters, and for good reason.  I had this same roll in the camera from November of last year until early March of this year so there's quite a span of time captured on this roll.  You can tell by how much my daughter grew from early on the roll to the end.  These photos have not been edited other than some light straightening to a couple that were a bit tilted.  Expect to see many more rolls of this beautiful film in the future.  I've already got another that's getting ready to be sent off with some portrait work on it.

A huge thank you to The Darkroom in San Clemente, California for an amazing job developing and scanning this roll for me.  They have definitely made a returning customer.

I leave you now with the remainder of the roll.

 

Dakota the Senior

Saturday I had the privilege of photographing a local high school senior named Dakota.  His mom is a former coworker of mine and reached out to me about doing his senior portraits.  They had seen some of my work and said I was exactly the vibe he was wanting.  I was honored and took that as a great compliment. 

We met up at Jo's - Downtown, a local coffee shop that's near and dear to my heart.  The coffee shop is housed in the oldest building in Mt. Pleasant, dating back to 1894, with a character that is unmatched and unfeigned.  Dakota and I quickly bonded over our shared love for coffee, sports, and travel.  He told me all about how he grew up in Virginia, an envious equal distance from both the mountains and the beach.

Dakota was really easy to be around (even for a notorious introvert like myself), and very easy to photograph.  He seemed so natural in front of the camera.  In between shots he'd tell me about his plans for college, his plans to start off on a civil engineering track and then eventually go to medical school.  I even managed to snag a few shots of him and his girlfriend, Stephanie.

Dakota is a very respectful, friendly, and driven young man with big plans for the future.  I have no doubt he will do incredible things and have a positive impact on everyone he meets.  Dakota, the pleasure was all mine.

 
 

Trina + Darren

I had the incredible honor of not only capturing the wedding of, but being welcomed and treated as part of the family of Trina and Darren Lubbe.  These are two of the most genuine people you could ever meet.  Their wedding was, without a doubt, the most laid back wedding I've ever been to.  From the moment I arrived at their home I was treated like I just belonged there all along.  They told me to help myself to anything to eat or drink that I wanted and to make myself at home. 

The morning and afternoon leading up to the ceremony were spent frantically, but strangely, calmly finishing up a beautiful outdoor kitchen that was being built on their patio.  Of course they got everything installed just in time for guests to arrive and be none the wiser to the frenzied construction that had just been completed. 

The only thing that was out of anyone's control during the day was the fact that hornets had decided to join the festivities.  One particularly ambitious hornet even managed to sting the bride, Trina, not once, but twice.  She handled it gracefully, something I can't say I would have been able to do.

Trina and Darren's home is beautiful.  It was the perfect setting for such a relaxing and laid back day.  Nestled in the piney woods outside of Pittsburg, Texas was this log house with perfectly manicured acreage, a few well-behaved dogs, a fire pit, and the most beautiful bear rug I've ever seen.  (The bear rug itself has a wonderful story, but it's better if you hear it from the source.  So if you ever run into Trina or Darren, have them tell you the story.)

Of course, just as with any wedding, the day was not without its mishaps.  The air conditioner in the house went out just as the heat of the day approached, which in Texas (yes even in late October) is not the best situation in which to find yourself.  This is especially true when trying to do makeup, hair, and all of the other preparations that accompany the time leading up to a wedding ceremony.

I would describe the day as being less about a wedding and more about a huge family and friends barbecue at which two people just also happened to get married, and a family of which I felt just as much a part of as anyone in attendance.  They had even taken an old upright refrigerator and turned in on its back, built a base for it, gutted it, and converted it into a huge cooler (painted like a Texas flag, no less).

One example of the care and thoughtfulness of this beautiful couple is the fact that they had rented a shuttle service to take people from town to the wedding, and back that night in the event that they found themselves as having had a little too much alcohol.  This was very impressive and I want to express my gratitude to Trina and Darren for caring for their guests just as much as their guests care for them. 

The night ended with everyone gathered around the swimming pool, some in the pool, filled with music, stories, laughter and celebration not only of the newlyweds, but of life itself.  Some of the guests were old college friends, some going as far back as junior high, which made for some beautiful times of swapping stories of their youth and of a simpler time.  I found myself sitting in the midst of it all feeling just as much like I belonged there as anyone else.  I want to genuinely thank both Trina and Darren for their hospitality, for making me feel like part of their beautiful family, and for allowing me to capture their special day and give it back to them.  May God bless their marriage and their wonderful family.